Someone once said: “The distance between your dream and reality is called action.”
I know that sounds like a total Disney cliché and there's plenty of people who would shit on notions like that. I don't. I believe in following your dreams and living for your passions in life. I truly do. When people hear shit like that they'll tell you that you aren't being “realistic” and that you don't have your feet on the ground. But... Who the fuck wants to lead a “realistic” life? How is “a mundane existence of empty routines” possibly a standard that anyone strives for? There are some people who think that high expectations and being disappointed is the worst possible thing that can happen to you. So they try to protect you from that by shooting your hopes down and letting you know that you will fail. I don't know what their experience of reality is like, maybe they truly do suffer intensely whenever they become disappointed. But I don't. I don't mind mistakes and failures and disappointments. The entire world is a disappointment. Society is a failure. And as far as mistakes are concerned: How can you possibly get any lower than where you already are? You're leading a normal life. And that means you're at the bottom. You're not supposed to be leading a normal life, you're supposed to be leading an extraordinary life. So the way I see it, you don't have anything to lose. If you shoot for the sky and fight for your dreams, but FAIL, you're still doing something a hell of a lot more special than living the same day with the same routine over and over again. You're much better off doing a bunch of crazy shit and failing miserably, than not doing it at all. I don't mind failure and I don't get why disappointments are the worst thing that can happen to people. I don't understand what kind of a cocky asshole thinks of themselves as flawless and incapable of doing wrong. If you've lived long enough then you've discovered the inevitable painful secret that every human being is flawed. So you're already on the same level as everyone else – You're flawed. Use it to your advantage.
But Im not gonna tell you some bullshit like: “YOU CAN ACCOMPLISH WHATEVER YOU WANT IN LIFE AS LONG AS YOU HAVE THE WILLPOWER!” Fuck, man. Have you seen that movie “Million Dollar Baby”? I wouldn't even dream of telling that girl something like that. I don't know anything about you nor your situation in life. Maybe you like fucking kids and are gonna end up in jail soon. The fuck do I know? Life isn't a fucking fairy-tale where everything works out, you need to take care of your shit and keep yourself on the right track. I can only speak for myself and what I know right now.
* Im alive.
* Im physically healthy.
* Im entitled to welfare.
And that means that I got shit made in life. I am in a position where I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I can try my hand at anything Im interested in. I can do whatever I want in terms of dreams and aspirations. If my projects fail, worst case scenario, I end up on welfare. I've been on welfare for years, Im not exactly scared of finding myself in that position. It's just fucking boring, it's not a disaster. I have food, I have clothes, I have shelter, I have friends and family. Im good.
People make up ridiculous reasons for why they shouldn't chase after shit they're interested in.
- “My parents want me to be a doctor, so I'll devote my life to being one even though I despise it and would rather be a ballerina instead.”
- “My parents want me to have a job at all, so I'll pick anything I can find.”
- “My parents want me to get married and have kids.”
- “I don't want people to think Im weird.”
- “What if I fail? Everyone will think something bad about me.”
Fine, be a fucking pussy and miss out on life. And when you have that mid-life crisis, make sure to dedicate that bullet to me when you blast yourself in the head because you can't stand what a fucking coward you've been and how much fun you've lost out on. I just think it's pathetic that the majority of people don't develop a mind of their own until they turn 40 and freak the fuck out. I mean what the fuck, my problem is that I lack direction. It's not that I lack balls. Most of the shit you come up with in your head as a reason for not to do something are illusions, most of the time. It's always centered around ”WHAT IF IT DOESN'T WORK?” and ”WHAT IF PEOPLE THINK SOMETHING NEGATIVE? I CAN'T LIVE ON WELFARE, THAT WOULD BE SO AWKWARD.” It's centered around reputation and how others will judge you. It's never centered around what you want personally and how you will judge yourself in the future. You mean to tell me you don't see the problem with that? To live life according to other peoples thoughts? You do whatever you wanna do, but Im gonna get mine.
What is a human being worth and how do we determine their worth? I can't answer that question objectively. Who the fuck would even be as stupid to think that there is an objective answer to that? All we really have is personal taste. If you're happy with yourself, then you're happy with yourself. If you're not, then you aren't. And it feels to me like the point should be being happy, right? So maybe that should be your aim. At least it's mine. I can tell you this much though: Some fuckass in a suit whose company makes their sneakers through child-workers sure as fuck can't tell you what a human life is worth.
So, what happens next?
Right now, in the eyes of society, I am nothing but a bum and a filthy pervert. People do not know my name. I do not have a job and I haven't had one since I graduated, and because of that I am considered to be hopeless and a failure as a human being. Because society believes that the only way you can contribute to the world is by contributing to capitalism. And people generally can't relate to my dissatisfactions with the world whatsoever. Because it's not “normal”. So on top of being a loser, I am also very weird. Now don't get me wrong, I am perfectly content with myself and I don't agree with any of these sentiments. But let's be honest: In the eyes of normal people I am nothing but a loser. So. Let's pose the following scenario: I become a famous movie director. I become a famous artist whose provocative works are praised and hated equally by the masses, but one thing is for certain and that is that you can't ignore the profound art of Teryo Law. I become rich. And I manage to make a very big mark on this world, and everybody knows my name. What then?
Nothing. If that happened then I would become a winner in the eyes of other people. But see, that's bullshit. Because I as an individual has not changed one bit. I am still as smart, I am still as capable, I am still the same person with the same values. Whether or not I get recognition for it from others doesn't change a fucking thing, I am still who I am. The guy who ate pizza off the street, the guy who hung out with junkies, the guy who wanted to kill himself, the guy who wanted to do drugs to escape reality, the guy who slept in someone's kitchen. That's me. I might not condone those kind of activities anymore, I might be the complete opposite from that now, but I am still the same human being. And if you would have come across me in my youth, you would have passed me off as nothing but a hopeless drug addict. You would have thought that I was not worth anything because of the things I chose to put in my body and the way that I dressed. And that's where you fucked up. I think it's horrible that a person's value in society is dictated by how much they do for others. Or how much shit they own. Or what kind of a job that they have. Or what kind of a sexuality they have, race, social status, etcetera. It should be obvious to everyone that it's the personality that matters. Not everything absolutely trivial surrounding that personality. I would like the morale of the story to be that you shouldn't judge people on some trivial shit. It's fucking ridiculous that your existence isn't worth a damn thing one moment, but if you happen to make something that becomes popular in the next moment then you are suddenly special and worth so much more than everyone else. You are a celebrity and everyone listens to you now. But they didn't listen to you before because you weren't worth anything. And yet, nothing about you as a human being has changed. You are still the same person. You are still worth as much. It's just that all of the idiots that unfortunately exist around you value you differently now, because of a triviality.
When I think about two people who are in love, that to me proves that one person can make all the difference in the world. Because you see, to that couple, that one person means everything in the world. They aren't famous, they haven't conducted a medical breakthrough that will improve the quality of life for mankind, they just simply exist. And that's all they have to do to mean the entire world to someone. This applies to any kind of relationship, even the one you have to yourself. You don't have to be loved by other people. You don't even have to have friends, although I would totally recommend it. All you have to do is to be alive. And if you manage to be happy, then that's a fucking accomplishment. If you haven't achieved that, then keep working on it, because it's totally worth fighting for. Everything else is a triviality. Job, reputation, money, totally pointless shit. If you manage to go a lifetime without killing yourself then you are a winner. And if not, then I am truly sorry that you couldn't find the patience to turn the game to your liking. Because that's what it's all about in most cases: Patience. And unless you're in that kind of “Million Dollar Baby” situation where you're lying in a hospital bed paralyzed from the neck down, it's just not worth it to kill yourself. Because there's always something you can do. You have your arms, you have your feet, you can move your body – so make something magical happen.